Mari Annelise: Love, Loss, and Family

I don't know how many of you really know what has been happening with me in my personal life over the past couple of months and weeks. All of this mess started in October when my grandpa slipped and fell while he was doing some restoration work on an historic house here in Midland. He thought something in his bowels had ruptured, so my dad took him to the emergency room. The doctors discovered that he had a large tumor in his colon. On October 15 (which also happened to be my grandmother's 79th birthday) he had surgery to remove the tumor. After his surgery the doctor came out and told us the tumor they removed was about the size of a coke can, and the cancer had spread to his liver. The doctor also told us the cancer was inoperable because it was already so large. Needless to say, we were all stunned. We had to accept the fact that this would be what took my sweet grandpa from this world. It was a hard thing to handle and process, but we did it.

Then, in late November, my grandmother became sick. The doctors found that she had a deep vein thrombosis (blood clots in her legs) which had ultimately caused a pulmonary embolism (blood clot in her lungs). Our biggest worry was that one of those clots would go to her brain and cause a stroke. She was quickly put on blood thinners, and they did their job! She was moved to a rehabilitation center to get her strength back up so she could go home. But a few days after Christmas, she was sent back to the hospital with pneumonia. The dr's had a tough time treating her, and she eventually began having seizures which were likely cause by strokes.

Me and my cousin Christy spent the next couple of days sitting by her bed, hoping for a coherent response for her, but mentally, she was already gone. We tried to get her to eat, but she wouldn't, or couldn't. Every once in a while she would talk about "bears in the creek" and she cracked us up by yelling something about "hell fire!". I did manage to get a couple of smiles out of her, which are forever going to be a huge comfort to me. On some level, I think she knew we were there with her. She was finally moved to hospice on Saturday the 15th. Her nurse was so wonderful to us. By the time we got her moved, me, my cousin and my aunt were the only three with her. All of the men had a really difficult time watching her, so they stayed with my grandfather.

We left her in her room, comfortable and finally sleeping (thanks to some much needed morphine), and went home for the night. The next morning, Sunday the 16th, I went to visit my grandpa with Christy. After we wore him out we headed to the hospital to visit Meme. As soon as I stepped out of the elevator and saw her door, I knew something was wrong. The door was wide open, but the lights were off. When I walked in, I saw her nurse with the stethoscope to Meme's chest. I think I caught her off guard because she had a difficult time talking to me. I kept staring at my Meme, and I knew right away that she was gone. All of the shaking and labored breathing was gone. She was so still, and so quiet. The nurse told me "I am so sorry Mari, but I am going to have to pronounce her now."

Christy was just a few minutes behind me, and came bouncing into the room when I was just sitting next to my Meme, telling my sister over the phone that she was gone. I think we were all a little stunned that she went so quickly. Not ten minutes before I got there, my aunt had come by and Meme was still with us. I felt so guilty for not being with her when she passed, but my dad made a good point. She was such a private person, and she waited to be alone.

I remember thinking, when we were watching her slip away that it's ironic that it's always the women in the hospital rooms. I've spent countless hours, sitting in hospital rooms waiting for new life to come into this world. It was very surreal doing the same thing as a precious life left this world.

And now, we're playing another waiting game. We just found out that my grandpa's cancer has spread to his bones. We have all been prepared for this, but honestly we thought he had more time. He is now going to have radiation on the tumors on his spine, not to try to get rid of the cancer, but to try to reduce the size of those tumors to relieve some of his pain.

I figured he wouldn't be far behind my Meme. These two have been married 61 years (62 this June). I don't know if I can say I have ever seen two people so in love and so devoted to each other. It's not an in your face kind of love. It never has been. But when I watched the two of them interact with each other, it was obvious. That kind of love can't be broken by death. It's such a strong bond, that I have always had faith it would keep them together.

So please, please be patient with me. I will do my very best to keep up with my work, but I will, in a heartbeat, drop everything to be with my family.